Friday, 17 April 2009

I Guess This Would be the Christening

I know I promised myself I wouldn't post again until after my exams but this is just so exciting that its been keeping me awake and I just had to share it. Basically, if you care to scroll down to my very first post you'll note that I said there were many reasons I didn't want to start my blog until some time into the future. The main reason for that is because at that point I hadn't actually been formally diagnosed with Asperger's yet! 


Thats right. When I started this blog and wrote my first two entries I was not "officially" aspergic. Some of you might think it was fairly preemptive of me to take the name Aspie Medic and also this blog title; but as I'm sure those readers who are themselves aspergic would understand, once I realised and accepted that I was on the spectrum, so many things in my life, both past and present, finally made sense and fitted the traits of this remarkably complex syndrome that diagnosis simply became a formality.

So anyway, yesterday, I had a 3 hour meeting with none other than Professor Simon Baron-Cohen who gave me a formal assessment and told me that I was "without a doubt" on the spectrum. After a very slight hesitation as to whether it qualified as Asperger's or High Funtioning Autism, he ultimately settled on HFA, on the basis that my pediatrician's notes described a language delay when I was a toddler. In that sense this blog was preemptive as it should technically be called "The HFA- or The Autistic medic"  but I'm simply too relieved at the minute to be caught up in semantics!

I really should try and describe how it feels to be diagnosed and to have my long standing suspicions confirmed. In a word, LIBERATING. It might sound cliched but its like this huge weight as been lifted from my shoulders. No longer do I need to ask myself why I can't handle certain social situations and try and search for excuses in the way my parents brought me up, or in my own character flaws for which I am solely responsible. I'm not claiming a diagnosis of Asperger's is an excuse to be anti-social, but there were some times when I genuinely felt alien and distant and autism was a soul-relieving explanation.

Anywho, I'm gonna go to bed cos its been a long day but let me leave you guys with this song which popped into my head as I sat in my room after coming home from Baron-Cohen's clinic and I just had to listen to it on my iTunes. I guess this must better explain how I feel deep down even if I can not express it outwardly with words, neither verbally nor in this post. Enjoy...


Anonymous said...

Are you going to change the blog name?

Why did you think you were aspergic and not HFA? Did you not know about your language delay?

Dragonfly said...

That sense of relief can be fantastic. Glad the meeting went well. Good luck for exams.